I think I'm ready

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I think I'm ready

Post  GinAndBareIt on Sat Dec 06, 2008 7:18 pm

I think I am now ready to make a change in my life. Its been too long- I've hoped it would get better or that I could just grow to accept it as it is- but thats just not enough living for me. I will never be able to make my other half happy- and he will never be able to make me happy- it has finally sunk into my thick head. I have an exit strategy planned- hope it goes as planned.
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GinAndBareIt

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Re: I think I'm ready

Post  RomanceMe on Mon Dec 29, 2008 2:24 am

Gin...I hope it works out for you. Everyone deserves to be happy. It's that elusive thing we all search for. WE all want something...it's different for all of us. Some want a fancy car and house...some want kids...some want love...some want safety...some just want something not so bad...but we all have things we want. What I want is a person who actually loves ME. The real me...the one not so good...the one not so fun or happy...not so stable...not so confident...I want that person that can love me when I cry for no reason...when I need reassurance...the one who can sit with me and watch movies...or go hiking...or just hold me and tell me it will all be ok...I think I want the impossible. I am not sure this man exists. I have spent years trying to find him and each time I realize what I have is a farce or a fake or a fantasy...I dont have the man I think I have. Or I have one I want and he doesnt want me. I had one of those once...I had 4 chances and I blew them all...my fault...I do not intend to make that mistake again. If I ever get the chance again to be with the one I think is IT for me...I wont hesitate...no matter what. I will plunge ahead and hope later. You only get some chances once.

I think I need a friend with benefits about now. Someone to just fill a need for me. I want a companion. Someone to hold me, have sex with me, go places with me...they dont have to be the one...just good enough to fill a gap. I have been told I am a guys girl...not sure what this means other than I guess I am the girl guys like to play with but not take home and keep. Thats a sad state of things- but I hope one day to find the guy who says yup- this one works for me...this one rocks my world and I cant live without her. Thats my dream

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Re: I think I'm ready

Post  GinAndBareIt on Mon Dec 29, 2008 2:39 am

Hi Romance. I am working on my plan for escape. I am a little afraid, its hard to make changes as big as this one. Sometimes it seems the one you have, though not so perfect beats having no one at all. I intend to try and rise above that. I intend to make myself a better person. I intend to make myself into the person I want to be. The one I see inside of me that I feel is stifled and can't come out. The one who is thin, fun, does cool things, helps people, works out, makes a difference and also makes money for themself. I want to be able to travel a bit, take care of myself and have a nice life. A life not dependant on a man. I'd love to share my life, don't get me wrong, but I don't want to depend on a man to make my life good or whole. If I can learn to be ok with myself, I will have done something. I will then be ready to share with another person and not lose myself in them. That is what I have done in the past. I become what they want and then one day wake up and realize I do not know who I am. I want to be me with a person who is their own me. Together we can make a whole without losing the essence of either of our souls.
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