I found a good one!!!

Engine...are you saying you are paired with the wrong lid? I think you are saying you are, and that you have found the "right" lid...but can't pair up because you both are parts of a different set of pots...lol? Is this right?

I also wonder what does it mean to be with the wrong person? I know what it means literally, but what does it mean in a broader sense? If you can identify the wrong person- can you also identify the right person? I am not sure I could for myself. I know what I DON'T want, and I know some things I would like...but to actually pick a person to be "the one" seems difficult. Sometimes I think that maybe we as a society are looking for another person to make us right with ourselves. Like in that movie (Runaway- help me here) where the guy says "you complete me" what the hell is that? Are you half of a person alone? Or maybe you are only a quarter of a person ...but if we cannot be whole and happy ourselves...how do we expect another person to make it all right?

Now I will answer myself by saying a possibility is that it takes different ingredients to make up something- like flour alone wouldnt be good to eat, nor would butter or raw eggs (unless you are Rocky) ...but mixed together in the right proportions, you get sugar cookies which are yummy! I don't know. Maybe someone smarter than I am will have a better answer. And if not- thats why no matter how bad the economy is, liquor sales will stay high

I wonder how you might know what you have found. I found one that really interests me and I dont know why. I don't think he is interested in me that way though; I just can't tell. Something does seem like a connection- just not sure in what way.It is a very weird situation. I guess maybe time will tell. Or maybe I ought to go ask the 8 ball.

It's from Jerry Maguire...and I hate that line. No one 'completes' anyone. Someone might make you feel better/happy when you are around them, but the fact of the matter is, though it may be tough, you can live your whole life without that person and still be complete.

Not only am I thinking I am the wrong lid I think it is time for a new set. I am having a difficult time pin pointing when and where things went bad. All I know is that when you finally get thisclose to the right fit it is yanked away. So the question remains, "Which is better, a pot with a lid too big, or just not being used at all?"

I don't like the line "You complete me" but it does make me wonder, could anyone love me like that? I cry whenever I watch the movie "The Holiday" and Jude Law says, "You're lovely..." So simple, yet so profound. I never said making a relationship work was easy, but it is too damn hard.

As for the finding someone who is part of another set, I plead the 5th. Sigh....do my daily ramblings make any sense at all?

Ok, so your good fitting lid is from another set of pots?
That is an issue. I am not making a judgement from a moral standpoint, but my question is: is it worth it to mix and match this way? Do you get what you need this way? If both people are in other relationships, what keeps you from getting out of them and making one together?

I once dated a guy while I was getting out of a relationship- I was still in it basically- but it wasnt really a relationship at that point- it was in the middle of being dissolved- anyway- this other person and I saw each other on the side basically and it was fun. The bad thing came about when I was out of the relationship- it changed everything. I guess it is like meeting a person in a bar and then when you see them with the real lights on - they arent what you thought- things look different in a different light.

This probably isnt makeing sense, but I guess what I am asking (in a totally non-judgemantal way- just want that to be clear) is- is the relationship you and the other lid share the real thing or just better then what you have now? Could it exist "with the lights on"? If the answer is yes, what keeps you two from pursuing it?

Again- please do not think there is a judgemental tone here. I am just curious. Everyone has reasons for staying in situations- myself included- but I figured I would ask anyway.

There are a ton of factors as to why this is not in the light of day. For one, it would be very selfish to just up and leave. At this point I am not getting what I need. And I am not speaking from just a sexual standpoint. How about a little respect? Both exist with the lights on. The other lid is a friend, a good friend. I would rather have the friend then the set. Who knows why we fall for the ones that we fall for. I think that the second you find "the one" you know it. I never thought it existed until one day, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Then the tables are turned and your vision gets cloudy. I need a clear head with a clear vision. All I am saying is that I am not a home wrecker. However, maybe, just maybe, one set needs to be returned and the other needs to be brought home.

As for why I stay. I cannot find a way out. If I am not his wife, financial advisor, cleaner, cook, secretary, and etc. Then who am I?

Engine- Just curious- why is it selfish to up and leave?

Because I am afraid of who I would have to be....

Who MIGHT you have to be? Are the choices that scary?

Engine- I say go for it. Happiness is a thing we all deserve. Are you really doing "your lid" a favor by staying with them if you don't want them and plan to leave them at some point? Maybe leaving now is hard- but maybe it is the right thing to do. Why prolong the agony?

In my current mindset- I say go for what makes you happy. It is MUCH easier said then done- but we all might one day wake up and realize we missed life. We were given options and chances- but maybe we let them slip because we are afraid- or lazy-or complacent- or whatever- but if we don't look out for ourselves- who will?

Gin,

Thanks. I am trying to be happy. I don't want to wake up and have missed anymore of my life. This may sound wrong. I have all the issues of someone else and more. So the question remains, since I have to be the bad one, am I a bad person?

EngineGirl22 wrote:Gin,

Thanks. I am trying to be happy. I don't want to wake up and have missed anymore of my life. This may sound wrong. I have all the issues of someone else and more. So the question remains, since I have to be the bad one, am I a bad person?

The short answer is no.

Looking deeper, the fact of the matter is, it takes two to make a relationship work...ANY relationship, not just romantic ones. AND, if one person is feeling less that loved/appreciated/cared for, and the other person has no interest in helping to fix it (or doesn't see a problem), then it's only natural for one person to want out to try to find a way to be happy.

I do not believe for a second that it is a weakness or a selfish act to want to be happy...and, subsequently, trying to fix it when you aren't.

I say though we cannot hide behind it and claim it makes us better people...we do deserve credit for trying to make things better. You must be honest and see your faults clearly to have this be true- but i feel that if you make an effort to really imrpove yourself and make things better- if your partner will not go with you on this- you must then travel alone.

If only my prince charming would show up with my lost glass slipper...it would all be good....